Interruptions and the Art of Blurting Out

Survival amnesia is a common ailment of teachers. In order to make it through a school year without being reduced to a quivering puddle on the floor, I think most of us block out the traumas of the year before. One of the side effects of teaching amnesia is that everything seems worse than the year before. "Recess is rowdier this year" for instance, or "We've never had this many snow days" (Ok, this year that isn't an exaggeration). This week teaching amnesia has tricked my mind into believing that this year my students are more prone to interrupting me and blurting out than any other year. This week it has been blowing my mind!
Here is a typical exchange during any given class...

Me: Welcome to-
Student: WHAT ARE WE DOING TODAY!?
Me: As soon as you find your seat-
Student: I FORGOT WHERE I SIT!
Me: I'll help you fi-
Student: ITSMYBIRTHDAYWILLYOUTIEMYSHOETHATKIDHITMEWHATAREWEDOINGTODAY!?
Me: silence as I have now begun to have seizure
Student: HEY! I SAID WILL YOU TIE MY SHOE
Me: seizure continues

Imagine this scene playing out about 50 (yes, literally 50) times per day. I wonder if there was a time in my student life when I had such a need for intstant attention that I would shout out while the very information I needed was being disseminated. And that's the real problem: as I am saying "this is a cow" there are three of them screaming, "WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL IS THAT!?"
Now that my ears have stopped ringing from today's bombardment of blurts and the bumbling blurters that blurted them, it's time to explore solutions. This week I've begun to tell students who interrupt that they have to wait another day to take home their ceramic projects or their class will lose points on their respect charts. To no avail! Now all I get are blurts followed by, "SORRYDOISTILLGETMYCLAYPROJECT!?"
I've thought about keeping a tally of the number of times per day I am interrupted, but I can't see value in making a tally of negatives without a real use for it afterwards besides making my efforts seem futile. I've tried to ignore the blurting, but after the 756th time you hear "MY PENCIL BROKE" at some sad point you snap and respond. And broken pencil stiuations (ones they can completely handle themselves) happen constantly:

Me: Take your paper and dra-
Student: MY PENCIL BROKE!
Me: If you are having a problem please raise your hand so that I know without interrupting everyone else
student raises hand
Me: Yes, Hugo?
Student: MY PENCIL BROKE!
Me: What do we do when our pencil breaks?
Student: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm...sharpen it?
Me: Yes. Next time just go do it without announcing it to the entire class and interrupting me, please.
student walks toward pencil sharpener
Me: As I was saying, take your paper and-
Student: I DROPPED MY PENCIL!
Me: nothing as I am having my second seizure of the day.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!